My athletic label struggle

When I started this blog I thought, not only that I would not have the confidence to post anything academic on it but also the way my life was going was the way I wanted it to stay.

The funny thing is, as humans we hold onto things with some serious fight, but when we let go ( or what we are holding is taken from us ) often we get what we need. I am happy to say that when I stopped trying to be only one thing I became so much more.

At first, all I was going to be was a student, that is all I was comfortable being, all I really knew how to be. Not that it was taken from me but 4 years is a very long time to choose to only look at one thing. Then the opportunity presented itself to be a fitness competitor, with a great coach who understands the human body well.

So then I was a student of natural law, and a fitness competitor who hated cardio training… for those of you who know anything about my training there is an uncomfortable amount of cardio in my life, which means more than 0. But life is too short to hate 45 minutes of your day every single day, so I found swimming.

But who am I to call myself a swimmer? I can barely label myself a fitness competitor, I haven’t done a competition yet and I don’t have abs showing?! When it comes to swimming I can comfortably say I have never been taught what I am doing, but I just swam 1.5 KM in the pool without touching the bottom.

I thought I would like to introduce biking as a part of my world too… around this time I realised I didn’t actually need a reason other than choosing to do it. I was then a swimmer, a bikini competitor, a cyclist and all around living as an athlete. With all of the goals, dreams, the determination that comes along with it, but you wouldn’t know that because I wouldn’t say it.

I didn’t want to insult the people who had been committed to the sports I have taken up, the ones who have been doing them for years. The pros who know the same thing that I do, I don’t really know what I am talking about. Part of the Landmark Forum is about your past, I realised that I thought I would never be good enough and by extension, the people around me were also being judged quite harshly so they could never measure up.

I know now that me not measuring up was a story I told myself, I know I do. Can you guess what that means? Time to set bigger goals because I have enough to achieve them. To own them, crush them, and make sure I worry about myself and not tiptoeing around other people’s egos.

Training Diary: Here

Personally, I invite you to follow my training diary above and to consider who you want to be, and who says you cannot be that person.


Miss. Manipulative

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